Reflection is Motivation

Wowzers! I dropped this blog for the longest time, and then a little bit of posting and BLAMMO! New readers. Thanks, guys!

I have one final left before being off school for the Summer, so I promise to be more interesting here shortly. I'm getting back into the right headspace for some HUNGER, and this blog is a big part of that.

So, last weeks progress was moderate. I lost 1lb. I weigh every morning, and at one point I was actually at my 3lb goal. However, the weekend was filled with various kinds of revelry so as of Sunday morning (official weigh-in day) I was pretty bloated. Back on track now, though. Hopefully I can make up the difference.

So who watches the skinnies when they're out and about? I went to Meijer, my regular grocery store today. Usually, it's a regular People of Wal-Mart experience. Today, however, there was an obvious ana walking in at the same time I was. I suppose she could have been sick (not that this isn't sickness, but you know, regular sick), or had some kind of ungodly high metabolism, but I'm pretty sure she was a starver. Maybe thirty years old, she was dressed in a green sleeveless shirt, brown linen capris, and had on these AWESOME high wedge sandals with ribbons around the ankle. I could see the projection of her hipbones through her clothes and I could probably have circled her thighs by making a circle with my hands thumb to thumb and middle finger to middle finger. I could see her sternum and ribs in the scoop neckline of her shirt.

Curious about what she would put in her cart, I tried to follow her surreptitiously. We were in produce (of course!) and I saw her pick up some pre-sliced watermelon and some ready shredded cabbage, the kind you use for coleslaw. Unfortunately, I lost her after produce.

I feel kind of bad about watching her. Who wants to be treated like a creature in a zoo? One the flip side, isn't that what she wants? To be noticed for her thinness? She certainly wasn't dressing to hide it. That's what I want. I've been fat all my life. I want to walk in to family gatherings and shock people. I want to go to parties and bars and turn peoples' heads.

I know, I know. Starving will only make me sick, not beautiful. Did I say I was going for beauty? No, I'm just going for skinny. My compulsive over-eating has already done enough damage to my body that I know I'll never be that kind of beautiful, bikini beautiful. I'm just tired of being invisible.